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(no subject) [Nov. 8th, 2008|08:11 pm]
I am a brunette.
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(no subject) [Nov. 3rd, 2008|01:10 pm]
I was not a good girl on Halloween.
I wish he could remeber what happened, but I think he's lying when he says he doesn't remember anything.
He knows I bit him. and He knows he didn't bite me, even though I told him he did.
Kitchen, Hallway, Futon. No getting caught. Everyone got some cheetos.
And thinks we had sex.
Which we didn't.
As bad as t was in Wes' room, once we were in mine, he said no.
He had more than me, but I have no tolerance. You can't take advantage of a boy when he's the one pulling you. Don't close the blinds. Sit down. Move the plate. Get close. Underneath the clothes.
it feels right. you look right.
This is right.
Looking up iinto your eyes, there isn't anything unclean.
You look innocent and in love.
Which you won't let yourself feel when you're sober.
Soon you will. SOon you'll have to give something up. I have to ask you to give something up.
So you can ask me to give mine up. One coping mechanism for another. your smoke for my steam.
no starving and no vomit.
One day, you won't be afraid.
I won't walk away. I can't walk away. There's no need to worry.
The more I know you, the more I need you, and I can't walk away.
I'm falling, but I haven't fallen yet.
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(no subject) [Oct. 27th, 2008|01:03 pm]
I love that I can fuck things up,
and then the best way to fix them is by getting fucked up.
Isn't that the beauty of college?

Things have been weird all week.
Monday I got cock blocked and Tuesday Zach and I had to take Sean to the hospital because he had really severe strep. SO i skipped class Wednesday to take care of him. We went to meijer to get his meds and some groceries. Hung out all day, until Sean went to get his psych stuff from his car, and discovered it was unlocked and his backpack was gone. $100 psych book and probably $75 worth of Art supplies gone, but nothing else was touched. Bullshit.
Thursday and friday sucked. Won't evenlook at me, won't talk to me. Creepers sleepin my room, then whore's sisters. I'm over protective, but not for myself. It's all for Allen and Jake. I don't care if he gets fucked up from friday to Sunday. He had a bad week. He thought I'd be mad at him. I WANTED him to. He needs to test his self-control. It's better than they think. He has it, he just surpresses it sometimes. It isn't as though he's a bad person because he can't cope with the shit thrown at him.
My parents came over on Saturday with Ashley. It sucked at first, because my dad got mad, but by the end I had so much fun. I love them and miss them so much sometimes. Everyone on my floor loved them. Tracee, Allan and Sean went to dinner with us. Sean and my dad talked the entire time, about cars, and drugs, and college. I guess my dad told him about my mom not getting her degree because she got preggars with Ash. He, for some reason, chose to remember this. They get along really well. I think it's because they're a lot alike, which is funny, really. When we went out on Sunday, he was talking about making a good impression on the rents. It would be amazing if we ever date; he fits in with this shit really well. My mom told me that he could definitely come to Thanksgiving, that he HAS to if he has nothing else to do, but his family's coming up and he's on good terms now. But he seemed disappointed he couldn't go.
Anyway, we cleared things up. We're going running later and last night was amazing.
I finally understand why boys act like they do. It's easy to have sex with someone you don't care about, but you have to wait if you actually want to date a girl. That's good, because I don't want to be a cheap whore, no matter how bad i want it sometimes. I know that doesn't sound like something I'd say, but I'm all fucked up. I stopped taking those BCPs, because i was a total bitch, and i have no more refills. Maybe I'll get it changed the next time i go home, but i'm not concerned. Unless something is immaculately conceived, I'm safe.
Oh, yeah, and i started reading the bible. It's actually really interesting. I don't understadn a lot of it, so i have to ask Sean, but afterwards...i kind of feel like a better person. I don't feel as angry or resentful. It's not like I'm born again, or anything, but finally someone is explaining it in ways i can understand. I'm pretty much transitioning to deism for now. There is a God, I just don't know exactly how much he interacts with his creation.
SO, that's it. Take it or leave it. Call me a poser, or a conformist or whatever you want. I haven't been influenced or brainwashed and I'm not doing it for him. He's doing it for me. I don't care. Everything I do here makes me happier.
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(no subject) [Oct. 19th, 2008|07:18 pm]
Does anyone know where I could find a green corset? Or even a corset style top.
ONe that's not terribly whorey, but still cute and fun.

I need one for Halloween, but all the one's I've found are like, 50 dollars.
I'm aiming for the twenties.
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(no subject) [Oct. 17th, 2008|02:36 am]
[Current Mood |lovedloved]

So, here's a tiny update on my situation:
-tracee got back together with her boyfriend, solving a problem that had already pretty much disappeared.
-went to a badass show with some badass kids and realized why Linds loves Chris, and that they will be cute when he's level headed.
-I need to go running more often.
-i need to spend more time studying, and less time taking naps with Sean.
-Roman is totally badass, as is the russian RA.

So, yesterday, I went to Lansing to go to the PInk Tie Affair. It was an acoustic set with the graduate, thewhite tie affair, Cute is what we aim for, and Boys like Girls.
I have some sweet pics. I drove sean's car, and he took viktor. He was supposed to comewith us, but he needs to focus on class. We got home around one and I went and hung with him while doing art for a while. He made me eggs, then Esha came in and wouldnt leave. Then Cookie and Alicia came, and he wanted to go to bed, so he politely told everyone to get the fuck out. Except, apparently, I wasn't supposed to leave. So as soon as i get in my room, there's a knock from Esha, and I go back to Sean's and I spent the night. He had work at 9, so he had to get up around 8, and his alarm was loud. He didn't want to get up, so he was late. He said I look cute when i sleep and kissed me on the cheek goodbye, but missed and got the comforter. I slept for another hour, then i did the dishes and went back to my room to shower before Allen cameover. I took him to the dollar store and grocery shopping. That kid is insane. I got pringls and candy, and bought sean a picture frame. I bought Allen a 3 liter of pop, like he needed caffeine. Came home, hung out with sean and allen. Allen had class at 4:30, so Sean did art for a while, then we talked about his brother and took a nap. I had a meeting at 6, which I was late to because i woke up late. Went to the meeting then tracee and i went to the halloween store. Tried on costumes and wigs. SO bad. Came home, hung out with Sean, took another nap. Cookie came in, waited for food, sean went to smoke, took hours to get food. Kiss kiss. backseats and McDonalds. Wes came home drunk. Sean has totake care of him, otherwise it was sleep on the sofa night. Melissa came home. She's the shit. Now it's much to late and I need to go to bed. I'll tell you guys more later.
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(no subject) [Oct. 9th, 2008|12:44 pm]
So, I should be writing my philosophy paper. However, that shit is easy as fuck and I don't care. I have until 3 to keep writing before I'm going out, and then I have from 6 to 9 while Sean's at his sister's volleyball game where he can't distract me with adorable nonsense.

I wish I talked to you guys more, but I'm so freaking busy all the time. I love living downtown, there's always stuff to do and something to distract me. At the same time, it sucks, because then i have no motivation to study, I'd rather take a nap or walk around or talk to sean, or chill with Aisha, or be badass with linds and tracee.

Time for a recap.
-We'll start with Thursday: went to go see oBama with Aisha and Ed. Had to get up at 6 in the mf morning. I was about to beat a bitch ass. He was running on CPT, and was half an hour late. Still, the speech was amazing. Came home around noon and did laundry and homework, waited for Danielle to call and Sean to get home. We went to the mall, Danielle, Sean, Ed, Sean's friend Allen, and I. I bought a hoodie from pacsun, sandals and running shoes. Came home, sean got bad mail and it sucked. I hate when i can't help him. It was lindsay's birthday, and she was coming home from Chi really late, so Ed and I went to Target to buy her a white board and markers as a present. I felt bad for Sean, so we tried to find himm the Dave Chappelle DVD, but they didn't have it. Instead, I got him a michelangelo ninja turtle.
Friday was a very good day. I don't remember parts of it, but it was very good. Sean drove me to school and after class we went down to Holland to pick some shit up. Came home, tried to take Ty to the bus, but he couldn't get a ticket. Sean lent him his car to get to Lansing and then we had much fun. I might've kissed him, i don't know. Went to bed around one, shocked i made it that long.
Saturday morning, I woke up at nine and he texted me about 10 minutes later. I didn't not feel nice. Sean came down and we talked for a while and took a nap on the couch. Went to his room and hung out for a long time before showering. Pretty much chilled all day; went to Wendy's and had much fun. Still a little screwey. Took many more naps on my couch. Talked to Sean all night, figured shit out. He was pretty messed up, so i thought he wouldn't remember but low and behold:
Sunday morning, i get done drying my hair and there's a knock at my door. Sean and Zach waited for ten minutes before knocking. Zach wanted milk, Sean remembered our talk and sat in my bathroom while i curled my hair. Then we laid on the couch and talked and i got really confused. Went to see tracee's play and then did some homework and hanging out.
Monday sucked. Monday always sucks. Went to class, bummer, it was cold. Hung with Aisha and Sean. Went running with Ed and had KFC.
Tuseday- I skipped french, chose the wrong day, however. PLS 211 got out an hour early, so i went and hung out. Aisha and Tonya and i were talking. Then Aisha went to talk to Sean while he was downstairs. I guess she told him we need to talk, so he came in and then she pulled tonya out of there so we could talk. We kind of worked things out; i can never understand what he's been through, but i can comprehend it and be a good friend to him. it was a really good talk, but he just makes me so sad sometimes. I don't understand how such a good person can be dealt such a shitty hand in life. All i can do is support him and listen and when he feels like his shit is straight, we'll finally be able to date.
It just sucks to wait. But I don't think it'll be long.
Anyway, so we talked until three and he was really tired, so we just slept on my couch. He snores, but in a cute, cat purring kind of way. it was the best sleep I've had in weeks, even though I had to wake him up at 6:20, and his phone kept going off.

So, yeah, in case you haven't figured it out, I spend pretty much every minute I'm not in class with Sean, who I am now in a semi-relationship with. People on our floor constantly ask if we're dating. Kind of-sort of-not officially yet. Hopefully soon though. I think you guys would really like him. He's very our style. If I bring anyone to thanksgiving, it'll be him, but I'm not sure yet.
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so cute. [Oct. 2nd, 2008|02:03 am]
So, I was joking about marriage counseling and being preggars.
The wedding's on for next year, though.
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(no subject) [Sep. 30th, 2008|01:12 am]
A very brief up date in my life, in no particular order:

-Lindsay, Tracee, and I have decided to drop out of college and form a rap super group called "Carmel Sundae".
-Lindsay and I are badass, because we are.
-I totally owned my french exam
-I totally bombed Geo
-We had breakfast for dinner, finally.
-my mum came up and hung. She enjoyed it and everyone thought she was dope as shit.
-Thing 1 and Thing 2
-Deep convos with Linds, strange ones with Sean
-SOme people aren't smoking pot all week, and making me very happy.
-Those same people are trying to quit smoking
-Lindsay, Sean, and I danced in the rain.
-Zach was being odd. IDK.
-Wes is over it and just very annoying.
-I have an exam tommorrow, and I don't even care.
-I have no initiative and I feel fine about it.
-I've tried new things that genuinely made me feel good about myself.
-Aisha and Tracee taught me ebonics some more.
-I haven't seen danielle in a while. I need to talk to her.
-Sean gave me his michigan hat, I bought him a Notre Dame one.
-We have entered the two player game.
-We are engaged, in marriage counseling and expecting.
-I'm such a sucker, once again.
Just once, I want someone to mean it. Please mean it, but don't fuck other things up.
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(no subject) [Sep. 18th, 2008|03:22 pm]
This morning we had a fire drill. It woke me up, man.
Everyone was so pissed.
Zach, Wes, Jerry, and I walked around downtown for awhile, now I'm gonna make lunch.

I'm so excited to see you guys tomorrow.
It's gonna be so fucking amazing.
I'm sure everyone will have lots of interesting stories.
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Shit son [Sep. 18th, 2008|02:42 am]
Man, I only get to post this shit once a week.
I just got back in my dorm; I was gonna make eggs, but it's 2fuckin45.
Let's recap from where we last left off.
Friday, I had class and then everyone was chilling. I was doing homework when Sean busted in and was like, we're going for a walk. I told him to let me finish my chapter and we'd go.So I finished fifteen minutes later and go to his room and Wes has bustd out some booze, so they're already steaming towards getting shitfaced. So much for a walk. It was supposed to be Tracee's bachelorette party, but wes showed up with booze and half the floor got drunk. Ali and I were watching this fucked up Alice video that's stopmotion with Abdul, then some AMVs and finally the LOst Boys. Bethanies and Kai joined us, and then so did Alicia and Zach. Then we watched Nightmare Before Christmas, and Jerry showed up. After Nightmare, everyone left but Kai and we talked about shit until like, 4 in the morning.
Saturday, I woke up at 12:45. Da Fuck? I made pancakes and it was nasty and rainy out, so we went to the mall, ALicia, Ali, Wes, Kai, and I. I wanted to be these dope ass shoes from SHi, but we were leaving. Wes was pissing me off, and kept making comments and shit. Igot really fucking irritated and everyone could tell. I guess later he told Kai and Zach that THEY were iritating me but no. Then we came home and I went down to Tracee's room, cause Aisha said some weird shit happened last night between her and sean. SO Jenelle and I went down there with Aisha, and Lindsay was comming upstairs with laundry. Apparently sean passed out in Tracee's room. SO we hung for like 5 hours while they got ready to go to the ice breaker. I'm learning ebonics. I know a stack, caking, buggaboo, CPT. It's funny shit. Tracee's so cute. Her room is decorated HelloKitty. It reminds me of Irene. We watched dance videos of the spongebob and boys hip rolling. It was fukcing weird. I just kept laughing. Then Lindsay and I left to go eat dinner,and Bethanie, Kai, Zach, and Jerry came over and made hotdogs/played guitarhero/watched Sweeney Todd. Somewhere in this time, Sean came home and told us about how he was fucked up last night and wandered down to division and somebody tried to strangle him. He's got thesebig ass bruises on his neck. Everyone left around three.
Sunday, I got up at 11 and did homework pretty much all day. I edited Kai's paper and it was pretty chill. Hung out with Bethanie and Jenelle for a while.
MOnday was class. I fell asleep during my first lecture, so I went to Danielle's to take a nap, but we just ended up talking about shit. We got lunch and watched War of the Worlds with Jeff and Josh before Jeffand I had to go to Philosophy. Pretty uneventful day. Came home; apparently sean fell asleep on the bus and woke up back at Pew Campus. Silly boy. I was in a weird, tired mood. I was talking with Kai and Bethanie, I think. Then Lindsay showed up to return Batman, and we talked about pretty boys and Jared Leto, and asked if we got MTV, because her TV is all screwed up. It was just set wrong, so Kai fixed it. Her friend's band was on the hills. Dope. I went to sleep at a reasonable time...not really, I just played spidersolitaire all night.
Tuesday was an 8 AM lab and ended at 9"30 PM. I didn't actually make it to my room until almost 1 in gthe morning. Sean kidnapped me to talk while he did his still lives, and then Ali came in to work on her shift things. Then Jerry showed up, and Zach came home from wrok all pissed cause he lost his wallet. We ate chips and I played with Jerry's hair, cause it felt really nice. Jenelle came in with Tracee and Aisha. We hung until almost 2.
Today was sweet. Had class. Fell asleep in lecture. Went to lunch with Danielle, COurtney, and Zach.I was almost late to philosophy. Came home and took a nap, fucked with my computer,cleaned my room and did laundry. Forgot to eat, like a dumbass. Watched project runway and videochatted with my mom. Then I went in the hall coz Kai and Zack needed Seran WRap. Talked to Matt HUck on the phone. Sat in the commons and laughed like morons. No seran wrap, but phone tricks. ENded up in Jenelle's, dancing to music and coloring Obama shit. Jerry is my gay best friend. We're going shopping tomorrow. Sean and Wes turned up drunk. Sean lifted me over his head and almost dropped me, but I was more concerned with my pants falling down. He kept apologizing for almost dropping me. Bethanie and Abdul and Kai showed up and we chilled and took pics and threw knives. Zach brought me a hat, I looked gangsta. More pics and loud noises. Zach had to Carry sean back to their room. SOmehow we migrated there and Tracee and Aishashowed up. Bethanie, Abdul, and Ali left. Sean was eating cereal and Wes was crying. Sean did some very odd things and told me some very sweet things. He's such a sweetheart, but I get so worried if he's okay. It feels like I've known him forever. He kept apologizing and hugging me. We watched Tracee do the Napoleon Dynamite dance. Soeffing funny. Wes left, then Jenelle andKai and Ali. Sean needed to go to bed, but he didn't want to be alone, so he kept asking Zach if he couldsleep on the floor in his room. Then he asked if I wanted to sleep in his bed and he'd sleep on the floor. I was so trashed. Jerry, Aisha, Tracee and I started to leave, but we were still talking to Zach. Tracee and Aisha left and went to the commons, and Jerry got some cereal. We went to talk in the commons and found shit people needed. Jerry went to bed and Tracee, Aisha and I took the stuff back to Zach's. Sean was in bed now, and he kept asking me to stay there. I felt so bad. Aisha's mom called, so she left, and Zachand Tracee and I were at my room, and Zach checked for people in the bathroom. Tracee wrote lyrics on my board, then she had to go to bed. She has class at 8 tomorrow. I sent Zach to make sure Sean was okay, then I finally sat down. Good fucking day.

-somewhere along the way was a hookah, and Jenelle and I wanna learn to blow smoke rings, but it's a really bad idea. We might actually try it though.
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