||[Oct. 27th, 2008|01:03 pm]
I love that I can fuck things up,|
and then the best way to fix them is by getting fucked up.
Isn't that the beauty of college?
Things have been weird all week.
Monday I got cock blocked and Tuesday Zach and I had to take Sean to the hospital because he had really severe strep. SO i skipped class Wednesday to take care of him. We went to meijer to get his meds and some groceries. Hung out all day, until Sean went to get his psych stuff from his car, and discovered it was unlocked and his backpack was gone. $100 psych book and probably $75 worth of Art supplies gone, but nothing else was touched. Bullshit.
Thursday and friday sucked. Won't evenlook at me, won't talk to me. Creepers sleepin my room, then whore's sisters. I'm over protective, but not for myself. It's all for Allen and Jake. I don't care if he gets fucked up from friday to Sunday. He had a bad week. He thought I'd be mad at him. I WANTED him to. He needs to test his self-control. It's better than they think. He has it, he just surpresses it sometimes. It isn't as though he's a bad person because he can't cope with the shit thrown at him.
My parents came over on Saturday with Ashley. It sucked at first, because my dad got mad, but by the end I had so much fun. I love them and miss them so much sometimes. Everyone on my floor loved them. Tracee, Allan and Sean went to dinner with us. Sean and my dad talked the entire time, about cars, and drugs, and college. I guess my dad told him about my mom not getting her degree because she got preggars with Ash. He, for some reason, chose to remember this. They get along really well. I think it's because they're a lot alike, which is funny, really. When we went out on Sunday, he was talking about making a good impression on the rents. It would be amazing if we ever date; he fits in with this shit really well. My mom told me that he could definitely come to Thanksgiving, that he HAS to if he has nothing else to do, but his family's coming up and he's on good terms now. But he seemed disappointed he couldn't go.
Anyway, we cleared things up. We're going running later and last night was amazing.
I finally understand why boys act like they do. It's easy to have sex with someone you don't care about, but you have to wait if you actually want to date a girl. That's good, because I don't want to be a cheap whore, no matter how bad i want it sometimes. I know that doesn't sound like something I'd say, but I'm all fucked up. I stopped taking those BCPs, because i was a total bitch, and i have no more refills. Maybe I'll get it changed the next time i go home, but i'm not concerned. Unless something is immaculately conceived, I'm safe.
Oh, yeah, and i started reading the bible. It's actually really interesting. I don't understadn a lot of it, so i have to ask Sean, but afterwards...i kind of feel like a better person. I don't feel as angry or resentful. It's not like I'm born again, or anything, but finally someone is explaining it in ways i can understand. I'm pretty much transitioning to deism for now. There is a God, I just don't know exactly how much he interacts with his creation.
SO, that's it. Take it or leave it. Call me a poser, or a conformist or whatever you want. I haven't been influenced or brainwashed and I'm not doing it for him. He's doing it for me. I don't care. Everything I do here makes me happier.